Noah & Son of God (2014): Just waiting for Batman to save the day.

Noah (2014)

Thought-provoking yet bland, this modern retelling of a popular biblical story seemed to be doomed from the beginning, but considering the name behind this seeming big blunder of a movie actually makes you think twice. Is it really a grand yet failed attempt or is it an epic fail done on purpose? Stone giants, a family drama worthy of a cheesy tv series, a womb-healing Methuselah crazy for berries, and - wait for it- "Be fruitful AND MULTIPLY!" -- for a moment I'm at a loss for words.

Directed by:  Darren Aronofsky
Written by:  Darren Aronofsky, Ari Handel
Cinematography by: Matthew Libatique (Requiem for a Dream, Black Swan)
Edited by:  Andrew Weisblum (Fantastic Mr. Fox, Black Swan)
Music by:  Clint Mansell (Black Swan, Stoker)
Distributed by:  Paramount Pictures
Running Time: 138 mins
Budget: $125 million
Box Office: over $350 million

This movie a freakin' soap opera. It's a pity to see Anthony Hopkins & Russell Crowe in this film, though admittedly, this movie would be kaput without Crowe. It also hurts me to see Emma Watson in here (it's the end of the world and you risk missing the trip to Titanic, err Ark, just so you could get it on with your sexy sexy love the minute Mr. Berry Man Methuselah lightly touches your abdomen?). Uh huh.