Sunday, April 28, 2013

Fifty Shades Darker

"I must be about 3, & the crack whore’s pimp is mad as hell again. He smokes & smokes, one cigarette after another, & he can’t find an ashtray. He stops, and i freeze as a creeping chill grips my heart ."
Oh the melodrama is killing me!
"He wants me, but his words from earlier choose this moment to come back and haunt me, what he said about his mother. And it’s like a bucket of cold water on my libido. Fuck. I can’t do this. Not now."

“Christian…. Stop. I can’t do this.” I whispered urgently against his mouth, my hands pushing on his upper arms.
“What? What’s wrong?” He murmurs and starts kissing my neck, running the tip of his tongue lightly down my throat. Oh.“No please. I can’t do this, not now. I need some time, please.”“Oh Ana, don’t overthink this.” he whispers as he nips my earlobe.

DON’T OVERTHINK THIS??? Is he effing serious?  He just told Ana that he is a SADIST who loves to beat the crap out of little brown-haired girls SPOILERS: who look like his crack whore birth mother for sexual gratification. And Ana’s reaction to this? — "My world stops. Oh no. My immediate thought is that Leila is right— “Master is dark.”


And Ana begs for some little time to think about it without having to endure another wham bham crack whip slap smack slam thank you very much mam from Mr. 5 Minutes, and he dismisses her plea like she is a non-existent mushroom in the world of Fifty (which most likely she is)…. Oh and you know what happens next. Of course, Ana says “OH”, and feels that delicious stirring down her belly as she feels his constant erection pushing against her hip, and gives in to Mr. Sexy Foil Packet’s seduction.

Christian Grey is one messed up, stalker billionaire, who deserves to be dining with the likes of Norman Bates and Ted Bundy — in hell. He’s possessive, paranoid, manipulative, stalkerish, has no boundaries, doesn’t know the meaning of privacy and rights, and everything not nice. He needs more than one Dr. Flynn! Even Dr. Phil can’t cure his fifty shades of psychosis.

“I don’t understand. What about RULERS and spanking and all that kinky fuckery?” He runs a hand through his hair and almost smiles but instead sighs ruefully. “I’m talking about the heavy shit, Anastasia. You should see what i can do with a cane or a CAT.”

I really don’t know what to feel about this. should I laugh? Or just tear my hair and burn myself from letting such crap enter my system? Since my copy is an e-book, I would like to think that CAT is a typo…. but it doesn't make it any better…. BAT, RAT, MAT, HAT? OH what a bad boy! Gosh darn sexy Mr. Christian Grey, the human ashtray.

And Anastasia Steele - I would not waste my time trying to dissect your mind & multiple personalities - because that's just pathetic.

My Rating:  0/5 - No. Just no. 

*Photos/GIFs courtesy of Tumblr.

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