The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Peter Jackson, what have you done?)

Going beyond two movies for a 300-page book... lies the greatest danger of all.

This may be actually the first time that I'll complain of an adaptation (of a book that I love) being unnecessarily prolonged. Seriously, a trilogy? Of one little book? While the first installment was enjoyable though in a juvenile way, it becomes apparent in Desolation of Smaug the fillers that Peter Jackson has to add just to make the main plot last all the way to the third installment. And that irks me. It really does. It would have been kick-ass if it was a two-part adaptation, but a trilogy it never should have been. 

The dwarves, along with Bilbo Baggins and Gandalf the Grey, continue their quest to reclaim Erebor, their homeland, from Smaug. Bilbo Baggins is in possession of a mysterious and magical ring.

Directed by:  Peter Jackson
Screenplay by:  Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson, Guillermo Del Toro
Music by:  Howard Shore (LOTR, The Aviator, High Fidelity)
Cinematography by:  Andrew Lesnie (LOTR, I Am Legend)
Editing by:  Jabez Olssen (The Lovely Bones)
Running Time:  161 mins
Budget:  $225 million
Box Office: over $600 million

Starting my own Christmas tradition: The NeverEnding Story (1984)

A film made even more nostalgic by making us aware of an entirely different era - a time where you can hear the phrase "I like children" without raising any red flags. LOL

When I heard that "I like children" line, then Falkor asking Atreyu to scratch behind his ears and gleefully commenting "Oh that feels goooood!" with the creepy old man voice, I was like O_O seriously? Then I chuckled. Society today has thoroughly messed up my innocence.

For several years now, Christmas for me has lost its magical charm. Call me jaded, or Ms. Scrooge, or better yet just call me an adult - Christmas is just not the same as before. It really is an occasion for kids, and a kid I no longer am. And while everybody were too busy cooking holiday food, eating, opening gifts, singing christmas carols, taking pictures with their christmas trees in the background - I was moping in a corner, trying to read my book, unsuccessfully, while waiting for my movies to download. Yes, t'was the night before Christmas. And several minutes past 12, while there were firecrackers cracking in the neighborhood, "Merry Christmas" greetings resonating all over, and just plain old jolly merrymaking happening around me, I saw that wonderful notification! My movies are finally downloaded. I was a happy elf!

So today, December 25, the moment I woke up I went straight to my couch and started my movie marathon. Christmas is that wonderful feeling of magical mysteries as seen thru the eyes of a child - getting gifts, Santa Claus, everything romanticized - I decide to re-experience that old nostalgic feeling. What better way to do that than watch something from my childhood - that first ever movie I recall watching as a kid (as I've mentioned here). And I'm watching that with my family. My very own Christmas special. And how fitting this movie is. :)

I have ranted, but thank you for humoring me. It's Christmas after all. ;) 

Now, I'm ready to talk about the movie. A special movie that has stayed with me (or at least some parts of it) my whole life. The movie which has opened my eyes and heart, which has affected me in such a way great films are supposed to influence people - it has made me appreciate the world of cinema at such a young age. It sent me into another world, into another story, and I have stayed inside. My own never ending story. 

"A troubled boy dives into a wonderous fantasy world through the pages of a mysterious book."

Directed by:  Wolfgang Petersen (Das Boot, Air Force One)
Screenplay by:  Wolfgang Petersen, Herman Weigel
Based on the novel of the same title by Michael Ende
Music by:  Klaus Doldinger (Das Boot)
Cinematography by:  Jost Vacano (Das Boot, RoboCop, Total Recall)
Editing by:  Jane Seitz
Starring:  Noah Hathaway (Atreyu), Barret Oliver (Bastian)
Running Time:  107 mins
Budget:  around $27 million
Box Office:  $100 million

A Mortician and A Lame Giant Slayer

I rarely do this now but for some reason I was able to watch 2 movies in 1 day (I used to watch more than 5 movies a day. *nostalgic sigh*).  Anyway, the first movie I watched is about a man who dresses/prepares a corpse, and the other is about an acrophobic boy who has slayed one giant, "killed" another one with the help of bees, definitely not a giant slayer.

Warm Bodies (2013)

Taglines: 

"Cold body. Warm heart."
"Dead sexy."

Directed and Written by:  Jonathan Levine

Starring: Nicholas Hoult (R), Teresa Palmer (Julie), Rob Corddry (M), Dave Franco (Perry), Analeigh Tipton (Nora), John Malkovich (Grigio)

Plot Synopsis:

After R (a highly unusual zombie) saves Julie from an attack, the two form a relationship that sets in motion a sequence of events that might transform the entire lifeless world. - IMDb

*   *   *   *

Warm Bodies is a nice twist on a typical zombie flick. Seeing SUMMIT ENTERTAINMENT stamped on this movie made me half-expect (and dread) a cheesy supernatural love story, then the camera zooms in on R's face and unnatural pale make up and I was like "Uh-oh, Edward Cullen flashback". 

Then I see the leading lady and omg, the similarity to a blonde Kristen Stewart is unnerving. 

QUICKIES: Orphan, Rosemary's Baby, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, Bad Teacher

My quick reviews of these four films.

MOVIE REVIEW: Beautiful Creatures (2013)

Director: Richard LaGravenese

Starring: Alden Ehrenreich (Ethan Wate), Alice Englert (Lena Duchannes), Jeremy Irons (Macon Ravenwood), Emma Thompson (Mrs. Lincoln), Viola Davis (Amma), Emmy Rossum (Ridley)

Tagline: "Dark secrets will come to light"

Plot: "Ethan longs to escape his small Southern town. He meets a mysterious new girl, Lena. Together, they uncover dark secrets about their respective families, their history and their town."

- - - - - - - - - 

WHAT I WAS EXPECTING:

Another typical fantasy romance. If it's not vampires and werewolves, we have witches.

WHILE WATCHING:

Plot is typical, but marginally better than most movies of the same YA genre roots. 

Cinematography is nice enough, first scene is irritatingly too dark, but the rest is fun to watch. A little Tim Burton-esque in my opinion. It worked. Some effects are too campy though.

I totally love the Ravenwood house interior. I can't express how much i love it. 

Great cast. I was totally surprised to see Jeremy Irons, Viola Davis, and Emma Thompson in this movie, and it was such a breath of fresh air to see these great actors in a teen fantasy film. The leads are not that bad - Alden exudes this James Dean aura mixed with a little Rob Lowe (or someone I still couldn't put a name on) and Lena was right about him -- drooling charm. Alice as Lena is okay too but at times she can be bland. I think Ridley (Emmy Rossum) stood out as the good-girl-gone-bitchbad. I loved her character.

Music is good.

Script/dialogue, while sometimes it is cheesy and overly pretentious, still it's smart and way better than most. Witty and funny. 

LOL at "INTERCEPTION - LEO DECAPRIO" and "FINALE DESTINATION 6"

THE VERDICT:

Solid entertainment. Nothing spectacular to see (except the Ravenwood house, Irons & Thompson), but it's totally better than I expected. Worth watching if you're into these kinds of films.

MY RATINGS: 3/5 - the visuals, script, & cast made this movie a fun watch.

I like Macon and Ridley. Who's your favorite character in the movie?

I appreciate and welcome opinions/comments. Please LIKE & Rate, Share or Follow my blog, it may not change the world but it will change mine LOL :)

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Snow White and The Huntsman (2012)

Directed by: Rupert Sanders

Starring: Kristen Stewart (Snow White), Chris Hemsworth (the huntsman), Charlize Theron (Ravenna)

TAGLINE: 

"The Fairytale is Over"

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While the movie has its visual merits, the acting, the plot, casting, and the movie itself is somewhat contrived and shaky. Kristen Stewart cast as the fairest of them all (ousting Charlize Theron’s RIGHTFUL place) is ridiculous and absolutely laughable. Sure, beauty may be subjective and it may be possible that some might think Stewart’s Snow White is prettier than the Evil Queen, but… uhmm, cmon!!!!!

Oh and her acting.... That “uplifting speech” scene wherein she was supposed to stoke the fire within her people’s hearts so they’ll fight with her? terrible.. and is that a british accent im hearing? puh-lease.

Theron is not entirely impeccable. Acting is campy/overdone, but i think the director is entirely to blame.

Characters are underdeveloped. Dialogues fall flat every now and then.

Rupert Sanders probably thought that since it is his first feature film (and a big-budgeted one) he can grab all the flavors of fantasy films and cast some budding stars in this movie and make it work. Well it didn’t. I dont understand why they are planning a sequel to this project.

SWATH has its good elements. but unfortunately, the bad ones overshadowed the few good stuff in it.

CHARLIZE: “Mirror mirror, on the wall, who’s fairest of them all?”
MIRROR (Which actually looks like a gong or a huge cymbal): “Kristen Stewart is fairer than you Charlize, get over it.”

SERIOUSLY? LMFAO!

MY RATINGS:  2.5/5 (for the visuals...  It could have been a really good film except for the hot mess that is the entire story. I'll still be  waiting for Rupert Sanders next project, maybe he'll polish his techniques then..)

I appreciate and welcome opinions/comments. Please LIKE & Rate, Share or Follow my blog, it may not change the world but it will change mine LOL :)

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MOVIE REVIEW: Breaking Dawn Part Two (2012)

Director: 

Bill Condon (also known for directing Dreamgirls, and Breaking Dawn Pt. 1)

Writers: 

Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay), Stephenie Meyer (novel)

Taglines:

"The epic finale that will live forever"

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can this poster be MORE amateurish and awkward? it’s like the twilight team didn’t even put an effort to pretend that this is not a joke of a movie. I guess, after 4 top-grossing films, they thought “eh, what the hell, people are gonna watch this stupid film anyway.” ….  this poster is really ugh.. idk……  what it actually conveys to me is that these actors are running away from the movie frantically trying to escape this nightmare of a saga. 

this movie is just as bad as the book.

i was bored, unimpressed, and it only made me relive how annoyed i was at the book’s anticlimactic ending.

why did i watch it?  because i like watching crappy but oh-so-popular movies bec it’s so damn entertaining to see how hollywood could create such crap and make it one of the highest-grossing films of the year or decade whatever.

WHAT I WAS EXPECTING:

1. Kristen Stewart’s one-expression “acting”
2. Robert Pattinson I-have-a-low-soft-voice-i-am-so-goshdarn-sexy-and-cool
3. Taylor Lautner’s 106-pack abs shots
4. sparkly coven of mutant vampires convening in the highly convenient vast expanse of area hidden in the forest of Forks where they always fight the bad guys
5. good indie soundtrack 
6. a good 2-hour entertainment with the usual twilight-standards. (because I did enjoy Breaking Dawn 1)

WHAT I GOT:

1. yes, there’s Bella’s flat acting.. every single scene… i couldnt even force myself to relate or emphatize to her situations even if someone’s about to force feed me horse manure… (they’re about to die and be separated from their child for crying out loud! and yet i dont feel a tinge of sadness or impending doom -_-) … yes, she’s THAT unrelatable. and annoying.
2. check! could u BE more low-key, Edward? i know you’re supposed to be this ultra-refined, cool, sexy, low-toned voice sparkly vampire. but man oh man! i just wanna smack u in the face O_O
3. whew! finally, this movie is not about Jacob’s abs!! 
4. the book is like a mash-up of X-Men and silly clownish vampires.. but the movie didnt overindulge in that area.  and yes i was wondering where the SPARKLE went…..
5. i havent downloaded the OST yet, but im sure i’ve heard 2-3 songs that i like. though i found this particular movie lacking when it comes to it’s musical scoring. just typical Carter Burwell score throughout the entire movie. i really like Burwell, but i just miss the previous films artists….. where is Muse, Florence + The Machine, Sia, The Black Keys, Death Cab, Thom Yorke, Bon Iver……. in BD2, it’s just oversaturated with Burwell’s score.
6. instead, i got a two-hour not-so-well edited, lackluster, cheesy snooze-fest.

WHAT I WAS THINKING WHILE WATCHING BD2:

• how comical are these vampires? and not in a good way.

• this is the worse finale ever.

• The Volturi seemed so much more clownish than ever before. Aro, wow, Aro….. that squeal u did……. shaking head. and Marcus and Caius or whoever they are - are the most useless sidekicks ever. and they’re supposed to be the most powerful and feared coven in the entire sparkly-vampire-world!

• wow that baby is creeeeeepy!!!! it’s supposed to be the most beautiful, most enchanting baby ever, but they managed to make it creepier than Chucky. and when she grew, i think their idea of a beautiful vampire kid is in the image of a BRATZ DOLL. O_O

Both an animatronic baby and 3-week-old babies were used in the film. Kristen Stewart preferred working with the real babies because she felt they helped her give a better performance. (IMDb)  

                  — BETTER PERFORMANCE??? WHERE?? i guess they decided to just use                                    animatronic babies instead…..

• everytime Bella and Edward kiss or try to make another batch of half-vampire half-zombie babies, all i can think of is “does Robert know that Kristen is cheating on him? ……Oh and of course, I can’t help but see 50 Shades of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.. tsk tsk… My mind is ruined for eternity.

• i really can’t get over the fact that this movie sucks. it’s so dry and boring and wow the acting! wow! INTENSE!!!! esp Aro and Bella! powerhouse! it’s like one giant serving of stale HAM and cheese! too many close up shots of Aro “seeing the thoughts” of whoever he touches. While us audiences get to see nothing but his oh so dramatic facial expressions! HOW EXCITING! and the best ham actor award goes to —- !!!!   -_-   and Bella, oh sweet Bella…… you have managed to make the film’s attempt at humor fall flat. the way you make you’re voice sound like batman when you’re angry is comedy at its best. the way you try to act, but only end up looking constipated is such a tragedy. and when u had that sparkly fairy/light orgasm after a night of nakedness with Edward made my Coke Zero dribble out thru my nose! i was oooh i can’t explain it!….. Oh such a plethora of EMOTIONS!! ….. no.. not really. LOL

• and as the movie nears its end, i am so thankful that finally i wont see another scene with Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, or Esmee….. such useless characters. The only character i thought has real personality is Leah Clearwater! and where is she? oh there, falling down into the fiery pits of hell which Benjamin caused in an attempt to rid the world of bad vampires, he also possibly destroyed the other half of the world by destroying the earth’s crust and through its core. I also liked Garrett and one of the Denali sisters (electricity girl) - they actually have more spark then Edward-Bella-Jacob ever had..

• and wow that fan video at the end, when they’re in the meadows…. speechless!!! makes me wonder if this movie is a real movie and not just an amateur film… oh but then i have seen amateur films that are waaaay better.

• THE EPIC FINALE THAT WILL LIVE FOREVER…. yes… in Film Purgatory - where crappy films are thrown and chained there until they realize where they went wrong.. YES, FOREVER AND EVER.

In conclusion, i have enjoyed the previous films (because i think they were better than those badly-edited books), so it’s just super disappointing to watch this awful awful finale.

despite of the plotholes, the cheesy, barf-inducing “romance”, the awful acting, and the sparkly vampires, i did enjoy this saga. But Breaking Dawn Part 2, wow, it sucked big time. just like it’s anticlimactic ending — after all the build up and hype, in the end, nothing happens. NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE.

THE ONLY REDEEMING FACTOR OF THE TWILIGHT SAGA IS ITS SOUNDTRACKS… i love the OSTs. .from twilight to breaking dawn…. 

So at least, it’s been an amusing journey :)

FINALLY, THE SAGA DOES NOT CONTINUE. THANK YOU.


MY RATINGS: 2/5 - lame finale.

I appreciate and welcome opinions/comments. Please LIKE & Rate, Share or Follow my blog, it may not change the world but it will change mine LOL :)

Follow me on Tumblr! Ravings of a Madwoman

To my fellow bookworms, add me on Goodreads: Lucresia Strange